from my home. It waits to be crossed… It wants to be crossed… It will be crossed… one day soon…

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge, but fools despise wisdom and discipline.”  Proverbs 1;7

Lurking in the corner of the darkened room, beneath the sparkling ceiling and past the foot of my bed I cranked my head from beneath the blanket to squint into the abyss of the closet. Only a fraction of light from the hallway gave me enough space in my mind to bend and twist the possible monsters of my imagination. It was here my cleverly invented fears were molded from  clips of Godzilla and my older brother’s haunting remarks  that perpetuated my paranoia.

My Pop would turn off the lights in the hallway and wouldn’t allow me to lay near their locked bedroom door anymore. At five I should be able to handle the dark and mysterious time between sunset and sunrise. However, in this adolescent learning curve I wasn’t told who would hold my hand, but I was given a plastic Jesus to hang above my bed. A kiss upon that plastic cross and a little prayer were my initial rituals that helped me understand that my fears needed to be addressed and conquered. Monsters in the darkened closet would become the fate of my plastic Jesus.

Now returning to the river after a winter season things were different. From the time that elapsed from my childhood fears and into my adult life I am aware of the dilema of unconqured anxiety. Fears dripping with unresolved guilt become sin and a remorse that diabolically sets me up for failure.

 Here beside the river I would normally bound from boulder to boulder, yet this morning I stood paralyzed with fear. I had just witnessed a fracture of her knee and the contusion of the patella and after an emergency room visit into the middle of the night with this memory stuck in my mind. A fear not dealt with. I pictured the same happening to my own knee after a slip onto a moss covered rock. Now my question was, “what do I do with this obstacle?” How do I return to the river with unconfessed fears? I don’t. It is too dangerous.

My plastic Jesus has evolved into a steady diet of His Holy Spirit combined with His Word planted deep into my heart. These fears have become avenues into which I explore my faith and consistently turn over my life to Him. I’m reminded of time not spent in the golden hour as the dawn begins to emerge. I precious time where I ask the Lord to examine my heart, test my anxious thoughts and lead me into His way everlasting.

There I sat on a big rock and confessed my fears. Again. Seeking His discipline has become fuel to jump into the river now. The anxieties of my life have become prayers. Gradually I have grown from becoming an adolescent worrier into an adult prayer warrior. These are not crutches as the enemy would suggest, for he seeks to indulge my fears and cripple my steps between the boulders of my daily walk. No these are simple steps of faith that commit my life into His presence and seek to override part of my brokenness. His life for mine. It’s far better. More rewarding. And all together part of the bigger picture for my life. I’m not here in this temporary dwelling to feed my fears. I’m here to magnify Him beside the river’s bend…And I do so through relationship. From a plastic Jesus on a cross in a dark room to a living God inside my skin.

PM

“Resting comes after exhaustion. a simple truth..really. BUT without rest we wear ourselves down and become vulnerable to the enemy of our souls.”   PM

I have found that when I don’t allow adequate rest, and nourishment I become an easy target for Satan to torment me. I need nourishment from the Word of God and physical rest to be effectively seeking His Kingdom. The same holds true in fly fishing. Lack of concentration makes one become susceptible to injury and possible death out in the wild. On the Seventh Day God saw that it was good and rested! Taking time to spend alone in prayer and in the Word has helped me develop an armor around my soul and protection from the enemy’s darts. If one finds themselves in service to Our Lord than one will see that we have a very real enemy the devil who prowls around looking for someone to devour. I never saw the devil as a real possibility until I began to be involved in the Lord’s work. instantly I became a threat to the devil. The only way to succeed in the Christian life is to follow Joshua 1:8. May you find time to rest today my friends and family. In His care, PM

Find me in the river~

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I’ve walked against the water
Now I’m waiting if you please

We’ve longed to see the roses
But never felt the thorns
And bought our pretty crowns
But never paid the price

Find me in the river
Find me there
Find me on my knees with my soul laid bare
Even though you’re gone and I’m cracked and dry
Find me in the river, I’m waiting here

Find me in the river
Find me on my knees
I’ve walked against the water
Now I’m waiting if you please

We didn’t count on suffering
We didn’t count on pain
But if the blessing’s in the valley
Then in the river I will wait

Written by Martin Smith ©1995 Curious? Music UK

This is one of my favorite songs Delirious sings! Tight Lines! PM

“There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We loved because He first loved us.”  1 John 4:18-19

Behind the dam is a powerful source of water so great that wants to just push right through the concrete structure and fill the canyon below. The dam allows the water to be let out slowly so that the river is sustainable, lasting, and true. I have such a dam in my life and He is keeping me for that day.

There is this conviction in me that runs deeper than the passion I feel to pursue hotly without restraint. He is my Anchor, my Rock, my Dam. I have followed my own desires in the past and they subtly take over my life and hurt me and those around me. Since I have been walking with Jesus He has shown me the true path. It can be narrow at times, very narrow. And steep. But He is right and Knows me better than I know myself.

When I do steer of course of His will for me I miss out on His blessings. This paradox seems strange to me. The thing I want to do is not always the best thing to do. The thing I do not want to do is the better thing to do. It’s is flesh struggling against Spirit. When I yield to His Spirit I am free in His protection and provision. Sin is actually the slave of me, but it masks itself in light and tries to convince me that what I am doing is not that bad. Satan is the father of lies and is very good at convincing people to follow their own will than God’s.

So how do I allow God to be my dam? Carefully. One moment at a time. Picking up His cross daily and following Him through prayer, the Word, worship and fellowship with other believers. Tools of the trade that sculpt the cement barrier and meet out God’s grace with perfect love. Being in the middle of God’s will is better than anything else. Once you are there you realize how good and true it is to know Jesus and to be in His perfect presence. In His hands. In His cover. High above the river…looking down… at His plan for my life..

PM

“…Therefore they obeyed the word of the Lord, and turned back, according to the word of the Lord.”   1 Kings 12:24

In the middle of the river and turning into the white water and foam trail I have found that the larger fish congregate here and are most content. The turbulent water provides fresh oxygen and many bugs to eat. By staying in this place the fish also experience of safety by hiding where they cannot be seen.

I found this principle holds true over the years of studying God’s Word. God has this recurring theme that basically says, “If you do this, I will do this for you. If you serve me I will serve you.”

Over years of following Jesus and the pull of the world it is easy to allow sin to gradually come back into your life. Little habits that rob you from experiencing God’s blessings. I see it in the Old Testament narratives where certain Kings would either go back to worshipping false gods or try to live on the fence serving both the Lord Almighty and another lesser god.

Recently Jesus has revealed to me that many believers are being sifted in these end times. I feel these trials are being sent to filter God’s remnant for the times we will be facing in our future. He is causing good Christians to be tested and allowing the fire to refine them. It is true of me also. I am more reliant on my Lord now than ever before for so many areas of my life and the amazing thing is that I feel I can trust Him with these things. As I have been drawing closer to God He is pressing into me. The result is the fruit of the Spirit. (Galatians 5:22) and to be in His presence. I’m so grateful for these trials now and I can see how my Lord wants me to live a life fully devoted to Him… In His hands…

PM

In 270 A.D., marriage had been outlawed by the emperor of Rome, Claudius II. Claudius issued this decree because he thought that married men made bad soldiers since they were reluctant to be torn away from their families in the case of war. Claudius had also outlawed Christianity in this time period because he wished to be praised as the one supreme god, the Emperor of Rome. Valentine was the bishop of Interamna during this period of oppression. Valentine thought that the decrees of Rome were wrong. He believed that people should be free to love God and to marry. Valentine invited the young couples of the area to come to him. When they came, Valentine secretly performed services of matrimony and united the couples.

Valentine was eventually caught and was brought before the emperor. The emperor saw that Valentine had conviction and drive that was unsurpassed among his men. Claudius tried and tried to persuade Valentine to leave Christianity, serve the Roman empire and the Roman gods. In exchange, Claudius would pardon him and make him one of his allies. St. Valentine held to his faith and did not renounce Christ. Because of this, the emperor sentenced him to a three-part execution. First, Valentine would be beaten, then stoned, and then finally, decapitated. Valentine died on February 14th, 270 A.D.

While in prison, waiting for his sentence to be carried out, Valentine fell in love with the jailer’s daughter, the blind Asterius. During the course of Valentine’s prison stay, a miracle occurred and Asterius regained her sight. Valentine sent her a final farewell note. He signed his last note, “From Your Valentine.” Even today, this message remains as the motto for our Valentine’s Day celebrations.

 True love runs deep! PM

I find myself breathing again…

This river, the pursuit of wild trout, and new found treasure has me alive again in the presence of the Lord Almighty. Walking beside the river thoughts swimming inside my mind I see the rocks at the bottom are heart shaped and meant to reach down and slip into my back pocket. It’s my heart joined with hers. And the glue that keeps us tight is Jesus. He places her in your path and asks you to pursue and the battle that ensues is fought with His Spirit not my own strength. He’s looking to see if the direction I’m headed is True North and if it’s not, then I will fail at this.

I thank the Lord everyday for being my compass. Please place me towards her with your pinpoint accuracy. Your Word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path. Show me, teach me, move me…towards your Son….with her…

PM